I Was Made For This
Yesterday was an awesome, fun, summer day. We went to Costco (happiest place on Earth), the river, barbecued with friends, and had my brother and his wife over for drinks and games. And, all of this with minimal meltdowns from the kids. PRAISE JESUS.
In the middle of the day though, there was one meltdown. And it was mine. We were in the car on our way to get a coffee, and I started wallowing in self pity, comparing myself to everyone around me, feeling sorry for myself. The usual.
The weeks after having a baby are hard. Not for everyone, but for me they have been really hard. The main thing that I have been struggling with is just feeling like I have nothing that’s all mine. Usually it’s running or going to the gym that helps me recharge for the day – but I haven’t been able to do that very well for the past couple of months. I have been nursing or pregnant for the last couple of years, and everyone is better than me and blah… blah… blahh.
As I was explaining all of this to my (very patient) husband, and getting sick of hearing myself complain, I heard Micah singing a Vacation Bible School song in the background.
“I was made for this, I live for this, God has a reason, Reason for my life
I’m gonna shout it out, Without a doubt, I was born for this, Built for a purpose”
(Or something like that)
TALK ABOUT A REALITY CHECK.
Yeah, sometimes I am just exhausted from mothering three kids and trying to take care of a house, and find some time for me too. My body is totally at the mercy of my 6 week old. But those lines hit me hard, and I spent most of the rest of the day thinking about them. God has a reason for my life.. and right now that reason is probably sustaining my newborn, gently guiding my 22 month old through tantrums when she can’t communicate what she wants, and trying to build the character of my moody, strong-willed 4 year old. All while building a marriage that glorifies God, and attempting to praise Him through it all.
In my head, being a mom and wife doesn’t sound like too much. But when I type it out, and really dissect the things that I am doing, it is a big job. And one that I may feel pretty average at.. But I’m sure I will look back one day, when my kids are older and (hopefully) well-adjusted members of society and be pleased with what my life meant in my 20’s.
Sometimes, what God calls us to isn’t a big wonderful missions trip, and sometimes it is. Sometimes, what God calls us to seems boring, run of the mill and most of the time, it is HARD. It is so easy to see what everyone else is doing around you, and excelling at, and compare yourself to them. Especially in today’s world of perfectly posed Instagram photos, and 140 characters on Twitter letting you know how TOTALLY AWESOME they are. I know this phrase is so cliche, but it is so true; comparison is the thief of joy.
I have spent too long comparing myself to everyone around me, people that are my friends, people that are on the covers of tabloids, people I see driving in their car. I probably will continue to compare myself to others, because the habit is not one that is easily broken, but my prayer is that it will not steal my joy; that I will see my worth and that I will realize that (most days) I am killin’ the mom game.
So while I may not be the fastest, most stylish, smartest, best mom ever, I was made for this.