That’s Why I’m Never Having Kids – Choosing Love in the Middle of a Meltdown

“That’s why I’m never having kids.”

Oof. When you hear that, in regards to one of your precious little children, it hits you right in the gut.

Recently, we had some guests in our house and Sophia and Micah were fighting. It’s a new phase of life we’ve entered. A girl in her terrible twos, with an older brother who is an easy target for toys to the head. They fight. A lot. And it’s annoying. I know it’s annoying, but I love them so much and choose to surround myself with people who I assume love them too. Or at least would never say that they didn’t.

Sophia was screaming, throwing a typical two year old tantrum, and the words came out of this guests mouth.

Choosing to Love your Kids in a Meltdown - Toddler Tantrums | saneathomemom.com

“That’s why I’m never having kids.”

It hurt more than it probably should have, because I love my kids and would go to the ends of the earth for them. I know they’re annoying, but I’m allowed to think that. Other people aren’t! (Just kidding. Obviously. Think what you want.)

I know there are plenty of people that are choosing to not have children, and how loud my child’s tantrum in Target was last week might have something to do with that. And you are so entitled to that opinion.

But I think why it hurt me so much, was because in that moment, I was really annoyed with her too.

It’s so easy for me to get annoyed, or frustrated when one of my kids throws a fit, or when two of them get in a fight, or when they don’t listen, or… the list goes on. Kids are tough work, man. They stretch you to the end of your comfort zone and push you out of it while holding on to a small thread like a leash. They push your limits, test boundaries, and grow your faith.

Choosing to Love your Kids in a Meltdown - Toddler Tantrums | saneathomemom.com

And I think it’s meant to be that way.

While it’s easy for me to get upset, or want to run and lock myself in a bathroom when my kids are acting this way, I have been working on doing two things: seeing the situation through my kid’s eyes, and seeing the situation through God’s eyes.

When my kids throw a tantrum, they are looking for something outside of rolling on the ground – more often than not, it’s attention. Especially my two year old who is still learning how to talk. It would have to be so frustrating to be in her shoes. The world is so big, and still so new, and she has no way to communicate about it at all. Even for my four year old, there is still so much to be curious about. And when his little sisters don’t follow his rules, the big emotions get trapped inside his tiny body and the only way he can think about letting them out is to scream.

(Even when my big emotions are trapped in my big body, I just feel like screaming sometimes.)

Then, when I look at this situation through God’s eyes, it shows me how I should react when my kid’s act this way. When I ignore Him, get distant, or straight up disobey, God doesn’t lock himself in a bathroom and sneak a chocolate bar, he pursues me, continues to love me, and draws me near. 

Choosing to Love your Kids in a Meltdown - Toddler Tantrums | saneathomemom.com

When my kids act in a way that make others never want to have children, I hope I am able to emulate Jesus’ love towards them a little better. I am working on this every day, and as they get older, I hope I can see every tantrum through their eyes, and act Christlike towards them.

I’ll still keep an emergency stash of chocolate hidden though. I’m only human.

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PS – These beautiful photos of Sophia are taken by our good friend, Toby from Gobias Media – check him out!

Choosing to Love your Kids in a Meltdown - Toddler Tantrums | saneathomemom.com

29 Comments

  1. Bob Bertram

    August 23, 2017 at 3:42 pm

    You’re a great Mom Jordan – so proud of you!! – Dad

  2. Amy

    August 23, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    I’m so glad I have kids!!! They’re the BEST!! ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ you so much!

    1. saneathomemom

      August 24, 2017 at 9:04 am

      And I’m glad we have you! Love you!

  3. Dan Russell

    August 23, 2017 at 9:31 pm

    So glad you have kids, your kids have you, & you have such insight. It’s a beautiful thing.

    1. saneathomemom

      August 24, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Thank you – I’m so grateful for my kids!

  4. Karrie

    August 24, 2017 at 8:08 am

    Great job, the best thing you can do for almost every situation is look at it through the other person’s eyes.

    1. saneathomemom

      August 24, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Thank you! And yes, this applies to so much more than just parenting!

  5. Brandi Beasley

    August 24, 2017 at 8:35 am

    Well said Mom! I’ve heard that sentence more times then I like. Parenting can be hard but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

    1. saneathomemom

      August 24, 2017 at 9:06 am

      So true – it’s tough, but so rewarding!

  6. Dilraz

    August 24, 2017 at 9:41 am

    Those pictures! Make every tantrum worthwhile.
    Sometimesi look at pics of my boy abd think what an angel. N at other times when he is having a fit..i wonder howwwww!
    But all part of parenting as you and i are learning 🙂

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:05 am

      I always say that’s why they’re cute! Because the tantrums are not! haha.

  7. Lindsey Shore

    August 24, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    This is so true, and I’ve totally been dealing with the constant temper-tantrums… but I wouldn’t change a thing.

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:05 am

      It’s so refreshing to know we’re not alone in this! And that it’s not just our kids!

  8. Darlene Dee

    August 24, 2017 at 6:41 pm

    Great post. I always try to remember that those judges adults were children too — even if they don’t remember!

  9. Rhonda

    August 24, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    Well said. I’ve never been fond of that phrase but I love being a mom.

  10. Yamkins @ Gofamgo

    August 24, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Sigh, people do run their mouths before their heads. But then again, that’s why that person won’t know parental happiness and bliss in moments such as watching your baby’s first steps, or utter the their first “I love you” to you. I used to think I will never want children yet here I am–one happy mama of a 2 year old!

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:25 am

      I don’t mind if people don’t want kids, but I definitely feel like I deserve the same respect as a parent. Thanks for sharing!

  11. Sawuney

    August 24, 2017 at 7:31 pm

    Omg I am so glad I read this! It let me know I am not the only one! I have been staying with my sister on vacation. She and her husband have been having fertility issues, and I think for her to cope she has been saying this but nonetheless it hurts!

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:26 am

      Oh, so sad! Yes it does hurt no matter the reason. Thanks for sharing, mama <3

  12. Renee S

    August 25, 2017 at 3:57 pm

    Great post! From what i can tell, you are a great mama <3 also, your pics are gorgeous!

  13. Bailey

    August 25, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    Thank you. I’m not religous but I am a mom. And I’m in the midst of this toddler tantrum life too. And I need these reminders. Thank You.

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:03 am

      You’re welcome! Thank you for reading – it is so refreshing to know that we’re not alone. <3

  14. Lindsey

    August 28, 2017 at 4:36 am

    Love this post! Thank you for keeping it real. It’s very refreshing!

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 8:00 am

      Of course! Thanks for reading 🙂

  15. Kaity | With Kids and Coffee

    August 28, 2017 at 6:57 am

    It always hurts when I hear comments like that. I try to remember what I was like before I had kids…and honestly, there were probably times where I (unfortunately) made similar judgements. Parenting is very much one of those things that you don’t truly understand until you’ve lived it. Hopefully we’ll reach a point where non-parents will be able to interact with parents without making remarks like this, and on the flip side where parents won’t say things like “you couldn’t possibly know what busy feels like…you don’t have kids”, “your life really doesn’t have purpose until you have kids”, “you can’t really understand love unless you have kids”—all of which I’ve heard parents say to non-parents. *Sigh* Thank you for putting this out there. The more dialog we have going from all sides, the better. 🙂

    1. saneathomemom

      August 28, 2017 at 7:59 am

      Yes – so true. It’s so important to try to view things from all sides. It was super convicting for me to hear, because I was so annoyed in the moment too. It made me appreciate my kids a little more 😉 haha.

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